Sometimes the most interesting journey is the one that leads you back to you and the dreams you forgot you had.
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For most of my twenties, I was free as a bird, studying what I love (literature), changing jobs, relocating to different continents, resisting getting tied down by jobs, relationships or any form of long-lasting commitments. I needed to explore myself and the world before settling down. That’s what your twenties are for right?
At 28 I was yet again studying what I love (getting my MA in literature) living in another new place, and all of a sudden I felt like that was it. I wanted to center myself in one place, I was ready for the next stage, which is exactly when I met my guy. I knew that was it, he was home. Eleven months later we were married, two years later we were on our way to becoming parents to twin boys, another Two years passed and we had our girl. During those five years, I jumped headfirst into family life, me who never cooked anything more than pasta, got creative with baking and cooking. When the twins turned 6 months I realized that I didn’t want to miss any part of their day, so I gave up my job and became a full-time mom until they turned two, when they started going to daycare, just in time for their sister’s arrival who also spent two years at home with me.
I loved and still love being a hands-on mom. But while I fell in love with motherhood, I drifted away from other things I love my whole life like reading, creative writing, music. I barely found time to read, my kindle was stored away in my nightstand barley seeing the light of day. The writing I did was “to do” lists, and the music (another source of joy for me) I listened to switched from Kings of Leon to the Hokey Pokey.
As the kids entered preschool I found myself constantly loading them into and out of the car driving them around to school, to friends, to classes, and so on. My day had no time that was all mine, other than the two hours after they went to sleep and I would fall asleep on the couch watching Grey’s anatomy or trying to have a conversation with my hubby. Life was GOOD don’t get me wrong, so good! but I was different, like a part of me was dormant.
By the time the twins started first grade, we moved to a small community, where we could walk everywhere and the kids became more independent and spent more hours outside. Suddenly I had room in my head for other things, suddenly I had a little spare time but I couldn’t remember what I loved doing with it.
I was nearly 39, and I had to rediscover who I was other than a wife and mother. It was a slow process. A friend asked me when I shared my struggle with her, what my inner secret wish was, what was my dream, and I had no ready answer for her. I was so confused. For a long while, I couldn’t clean out the white noise enough to find the answer to that question.
I had a few “anchors” – I knew I wanted to work from home, so I can still be there for my kids during the day, I knew I wanted to learn and try something new, I knew I loved writing and could use it, I knew I was good and had the patience for doing research and spending time online studying and working.
When my fortieth birthday was a few months away I stopped talking about it and started doing. I used my writing abilities for creating social media content for small business, which I liked, but it didn’t give me the sense of accomplishment I needed, but still, I regarded it as a good step toward my goal of having a business where I will be my own boss. I started accumulating posts I shared with my friends on Facebook and turned them into a blog. That was my second step. Then I did what I do best – researched, started reading about working online, working from home and working online. There was SO much information out there, I got a little overwhelmed trying to figure out what was the right path for me. Took a while until realized what I needed to get going. I did a couple of online courses that didn’t give me the structure I needed to build my online business.
I focused on digital marketing which was a natural progression of what I was doing already, and started dipping my foot in the affiliate marketing “pool”.
I liked but a few things I tried but it didn’t work, some things I didn’t like and didn’t work, but some things felt right from the get-go.
After a lot of searching I finally I found an amazing digital marketing masterclass that did wonders for my marketing skills AND my self-confidence and mindset, which capitulated me forward in so many ways.
I felt like I needed a lot of guidance when it came to the practical “HOW TO” side of the affiliate marketing field- I did what is called “The builder Masterclass”, which gave me a sort of step by step blueprint of how to start an affiliate marketing business, and many other marketing tools like building sales funnels, email lists etc. I also had a coach that walked me through the process – I knew myself well enough to realize I needed a more structured course, that gave me a timeline and “homework” – my coach gave me that, he listened, asked me questions and stirred me to the direction that was right for me. That was a big part of my decision to sign up, to begin with. Through the course, I also found the tools and products that felt right for me to promote, it gave me a starting point for my business, without my getting lost in the huge universe of affiliate marketing. I finally felt I was in “the zone” – that place where I felt productive and fulfilled. It is still and probably always will be a work in process – but I enjoy combining all of these things into one thing that benefits my family financially and gives me a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.
There is music playing at my house again all day long. My five-year-old sings Adele instead of hokey pokey, I finally have the time and the inner peace that allows me to and I catch up on my reading, (I go through books at a pace I forgot I was capable of) and I am also working on writing my first novel. I’m older, I’m a little wiser, and I am definitely ME again, ALL of me. And I am someone I enjoy getting to know again:)
You can read more about the changes I made in my life HERE
Do you know what your inner secret wish is? And where are you on your path to fulfilling it? Would love to hear from you.
I will sign off with the words of a fantastic writer I love and a quote that is my personal daily mantra:
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine” (MARIANNE WILLIAMSON)