Sometimes the most interesting journey is the one that leads you back to you and the dreams you forgot you had.
For most of my twenties, I was free as a bird. Studying what I loved (literature), changing jobs when the mood struck me. I resisted getting tied down by jobs, relationships or any form of long-lasting commitments. I needed to explore myself and the world before settling down. That’s what your twenties are for right?
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At 28 I was yet again, I was working on getting my MA in literature, living in a new place, when all of a sudden I felt like that was it. I wanted to center myself in one place, I was ready for the next stage, which is exactly when I met my guy. He was it, he was home. Eleven months later we were married, two years later we were on our way to becoming parents to twin boys, another Two years passed and we had our girl. During those five years, I jumped headfirst into family life. I, who never cooked anything more than pasta, suddenly got creative with baking and cooking. When the twins turned 6 months I realized that I didn’t want to miss any part of their day. So I gave up my job and became a full-time mom until they turned two. They started going to daycare, just in time for their sister’s arrival who also spent two years at home with me.
I loved and still love being a hands-on mom. But while I fell in love with motherhood, I drifted away from other things I love my whole life like reading, creative writing, music. I barely found time to read, my kindle was stored away in my nightstand barley seeing the light of day. The writing I did was “to do” lists, and the music (another source of joy for me) I listened to switched from Kings of Leon to the Hokey Pokey.
As the kids entered preschool I found myself constantly loading them into and out of the car driving them around to school, to friends, to classes, and so on. The only time I had to myself during the day, was after their bedtime. I would fall asleep on the couch watching Grey’s anatomy or trying to have a conversation with my hubby. Life was GOOD don’t get me wrong, so good! but I was different, like a part of me was dormant.
By the time the twins started first grade, we moved to a small community. The change was significant – we could walk everywhere, the kids became more independent and spent more hours outside. Suddenly I had room in my head for other things, I had a little spare time, BUTI couldn’t remember what I loved doing with it.
I was nearly 39, and I had to rediscover who I was other than a wife and mother. It was a slow process. A friend asked me when I shared my struggle with her, what my inner secret wish was, what was my dream, and I had no ready answer for her. I was so confused. For a long while, I couldn’t tune out the white noise enough to find the answer to that question.
I had a few constants. I knew I wanted to work from home, so I could still be there for my kids during the day. I knew I wanted to learn and try something new. I knew I loved writing and could use it. I knew I was good and had the patience for doing research and spending time online studying and working.
I stopped talking about it and started doing when I was about to turn 40. I used my writing abilities for creating social media content for small business. I liked it, but it didn’t give me the sense of accomplishment I needed. However, I did regard it as a good step toward my goal of having a business where I will be my own boss. The starting point was accumulating posts I shared with my friends on Facebook and turning them into a blog. Then I did what I do best – researched. I started reading about working online and working from home There was SO much information out there, I got a little overwhelmed trying to figure out what was the right path for me. Took a while until realized what I needed so I could push forward.
Deciding to focus on digital marketing was a natural progression of what I was already doing, so I started dipping my foot in the affiliate marketing “pool”.
I tried a few things – some I liked but didn’t work, some things I didn’t like and didn’t work, but some things felt right from the get-go.
I actually started the route that took me to where I am today by doing a FREE training that is called “The Business challenge”, which gave me a sort of step by step blueprint on how to start an online marketing business. As part of the 15 steps challenge, I also got a coach that walked me through the process. Working on myself became a major part of my business challenge. Looking into myself, I had to answer some difficult questions my coached presented to me. At the end of the 15 steps, this challenge gave me the confidence to trust in my abilities and created the business blueprint I needed to start. I finally felt I was in “the zone” – that place where I felt productive and fulfilled. It is still and probably always will be a work in process – but I enjoy combining all of these things into one that benefits my family financially and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I then choose to take more specific training that gave me many marketing tools I felt I needed specifically targeting the affiliate marketing and the digital marketing field. The digital marketing masterclass that did wonders for my marketing skills AND my self-confidence and mindset, which capitulated me forward in so many ways.
There is music playing at my house again all day long. My five-year-old sings Adele instead of hokey pokey, I finally have the time and the inner peace that allows me to\catch up on my reading, (I go through books at a pace I forgot I was capable of) and I am also working on writing my first novel. I’m older, I’m a little wiser, and I am definitely ME again, ALL of me. And I am someone I enjoy getting to know again:)
You can read more about the changes I made in my life HERE
Do you know what your inner secret wish is? And where are you on your path to fulfilling it? Would love to hear from you.
I will sign off with the words of a fantastic writer I love and a quote that is my personal daily mantra:
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine” (MARIANNE WILLIAMSON)